Coping with Stigma: How to Advocate for Yourself in Escort Work

Being in escort work doesn’t make you any less human. But society acts like it does. You get judged for the job, not the person. Strangers assume things about your choices, your past, your worth. That weight doesn’t disappear just because you’re good at your job or you’ve got a solid client list. The stigma sticks. It follows you into the doctor’s office, the bank, the family dinner. And it hurts.

Stigma Isn’t Just in People’s Heads - It’s in the System

Most people think stigma means rude comments or sideways glances. It’s more than that. It’s the nurse who refuses to look you in the eye when you ask for birth control. It’s the landlord who backs out after seeing your profile on AdultWork. It’s the bank that freezes your account because your income looks "irregular." It’s the social worker who assumes you’re being exploited, even when you say you’re not.

In the UK, sex work isn’t illegal - but a lot of what supports it is. Advertising, sharing premises with other workers, even talking about your work with a friend can land you in legal grey zones. That’s not about safety. It’s about control. And it feeds the myth that you don’t deserve rights, dignity, or protection.

Self-Advocacy Isn’t About Changing Everyone’s Mind

You don’t have to convince your cousin, your boss, or your neighbour that your work is valid. That’s not your job. Self-advocacy is about protecting yourself - your health, your money, your peace. It’s saying: "I know what I’m doing. I’m not asking for permission to exist."

Start small. When you go to the GP, you don’t need to say, "I’m an escort." You can say, "I’m a sex worker." It’s accurate, it’s professional, and it’s the term most health services now recognize. If they react poorly, you’re not wrong - they are. Write down the name of the clinic and report it to UKSWA (United Kingdom Sex Workers’ Advocacy). They track discrimination and help workers push back.

At the bank, bring proof of income: invoices, client receipts, your own ledger. Don’t apologize for how you earn. Say, "This is my income stream. I need to open a business account." If they say no, ask for the policy in writing. Most won’t give it - because they’re breaking their own rules.

Build Your Own Support Network - On Your Terms

You don’t need to tell your mum. You don’t need to come out to your church group. But you do need people who get it. Real ones. Not just online forums where everyone’s pretending to be fine.

Find local peer groups. In Manchester, there’s a monthly meet-up at a quiet café near Piccadilly. Workers come, no names, no photos. You talk about rent, clients who ghosted, how to spot a scammer, or just sit in silence with someone who doesn’t judge. These groups aren’t therapy - they’re survival.

Some workers start WhatsApp groups with trusted colleagues. One person shares a red flag client. Another posts a new scam email. Someone else sends a link to a free legal clinic that doesn’t ask for ID. That’s the kind of support that actually keeps you safe.

Protect Your Mental Health Like It’s Your Business

Stigma doesn’t just make you feel bad - it rewires your brain. Constantly hiding who you are? That’s chronic stress. Over time, it leads to anxiety, depression, dissociation. You start believing the lies: "I’m dirty." "I don’t deserve help." "No one would understand."

Therapy can help - but only if you find the right one. Look for therapists trained in sex worker-affirming care. They don’t pathologize your work. They don’t try to "fix" you. They help you manage the fallout of living in a world that treats you like a problem.

There are free options. The UKSWA partners with therapists who offer sliding-scale sessions. Some workers even trade skills: a graphic designer helps a writer with their profile; a masseuse gives a discount to a worker who does admin work. Mutual aid isn’t charity - it’s strategy.

Document Everything - Even the Small Stuff

Stigma thrives in silence. When you’re treated unfairly, write it down. Date it. Note who was involved. Save emails, screenshots, voicemails. You don’t need to go public. But if you ever need to file a complaint - with the NHS, the police, a landlord, or even a bank - you’ll have proof.

One worker in Leeds kept a private log for two years. When her bank froze her account, she showed them 17 entries of similar treatment from other workers. They reopened her account the next day. Not because they felt bad. Because they got scared of being sued.

You Are Not a Victim. You Are a Worker.

It’s easy to get trapped in the narrative that you’re broken, damaged, or desperate. That’s what the stigma wants you to believe. But you’re not. You’re making choices. You’re managing risks. You’re navigating a system that doesn’t want you to succeed - and you’re still standing.

Self-advocacy isn’t about becoming a public figure. It’s about reclaiming your power in the quiet, daily moments. Saying no to a client who crosses a line. Insisting on a safety check before a meeting. Asking for a receipt. Refusing to let someone name you without your consent.

Every time you stand up for yourself - even in a small way - you chip away at the stigma. Not for them. For you. Because you deserve to walk through the world without having to shrink yourself to be safe.

Resources That Actually Help

• UKSWA - Free legal advice, mental health referrals, and advocacy for sex workers across the UK.
• Strix - A confidential helpline for workers in England and Wales. No ID needed. Available 24/7.
• Sex Workers’ Opera - A community project that turns personal stories into theatre. Helps workers process trauma and reclaim their voice.
• SWARM - A network of sex workers who run safety workshops on spotting predators, using apps safely, and navigating police interactions.

These aren’t charity organizations. They’re run by workers, for workers. You don’t have to be "worthy" to use them. You just have to be alive.

It’s Not About Being Perfect - It’s About Being Persistent

You will have bad days. You’ll feel exhausted. You’ll want to give up. You’ll wonder if it’s worth it. That’s normal. Self-advocacy isn’t a one-time speech. It’s a daily practice. Some days, you’ll speak up. Other days, you’ll just breathe and survive. Both count.

Stigma doesn’t vanish overnight. But it weakens every time you refuse to be silent. Every time you demand respect. Every time you choose yourself over shame.

You’re not broken. You’re not a mistake. You’re not a cautionary tale.

You’re a worker. And you deserve to be treated like one.